When things don't quite go to plan
Josephine Frost · 23. september 2024 · 3 min read
In this article we focus on the feelings and reactions that can arise when a pregnancy does not follow the expected norm. Most pregnant women want to be right in the middle of the average – a safe place where everything seems to be going as it should.
In the middle of the road – and suddenly on the verge
You can compare a normal pregnancy to driving in the middle of the road. There is plenty of space, and the risk of ending up in the ditch feels distant. This is especially clear when we talk about the baby's growth and development. If you are too far up or down the curve, it can feel as though you are about to drive off the road. This is where the worries arise: Is the baby too small? Is it too big?
Our expectations don't come out of nowhere. We collect images and stories of "good" pregnancies. Social media and other platforms give us a mirror to look into, but that mirror rarely shows the imperfect. When we finally encounter the abnormal, it can create fear that the same will happen to us.
When a pregnancy deviates from the normal, it can feel as though your body has failed, or that you yourself have failed. Many experience a kind of state of alarm. Fortunately, this distance rarely lasts long. The worries gradually fade, and the desire to protect the baby takes their place. Even when scans show that something is slightly outside the normal range, it is often still healthy babies who are born.
What do you do when things don't go to plan?
When something is not as you expected, it can shake the image of the perfect baby you had imagined. It can be hard to acknowledge that something is off, and many experience deep sorrow or fear for the future.
It takes energy to get back on track, and once you are up again, the reactions often set in. You can feel exhausted and worried about whether it will happen again. This reaction is especially seen in those who have previously had a challenging pregnancy, whether due to premature birth, complications or conditions such as pre-eclampsia.
The most important thing is to find calm and focus on your own wellbeing. When panic sets in, acting rashly doesn't help. Instead, it is about accepting the circumstances you are facing. Worries are often worse than reality, and it can help to talk to someone who understands you both personally and professionally.
When you look after yourself and meet your needs with acceptance and love, you are also preparing for motherhood and gaining the courage and strength you will need when you welcome your baby into the world.
Do you need extra reassurance in your pregnancy? Read more about our reassurance scan →
Josephine Frost
Sonographer and clinic owner
Josephine has performed more than 25,000 scans and has worked in both gynaecological specialist practice and private scanning clinics. She owns Stork Scan and runs both the day-to-day operation and the scans themselves. More about us →